I do this. I write and write and then it gets old and I let it go.
God has a funny way of working. Life can feel so free one day and the next feel just a restricting. There are weeks where I feel so together, keeping up with chores and work and all that goes along and enough money is coming in and no new bills come up and it just feels awesome! You start thinking about house improvements and future fun events to take the family then it comes crashing the next day. multi thousand dollar bills that were completely unexpected (thanks a lot health insurance) the house is trashed and I can’t keep up, it’s hot one day and cold the next so you never know what you are able to do with the kids, opportunities end, dreams change… you start panicking and thinking about all the money cuts you need to start taking and house improvements you have to push off to another year and on and on and on.
Why does this happen? How can you feel so secure one day and insecure the next? Well, I guess one reason is you just can’t predict the future. Aaron got a tumor under is ear (seriously.. they have to call it a tumor! I hate it!) and it’s non-life threatening, but he still has to have surgery and ct scans and a specialist bla bla bla and our insurance of course doesn’t cover anything until we have paid out of pocket $5,000 (I mean seriously?! what middle class income can afford 5,000 in medical bills a year?aldkjfa;efwo). I knew the bills would be coming, but as a financial prude it still made me cry and scream and yell when I got the first bill.
the other reason I feel this way? I forget to trust God. Have we ever went without? starved or without a house or naked? no. As a matter of fact we just went on the most amazing vacation with my husband’s family. we visited states we have never been to before and had experiences we have never got to experience before.. It was beautiful and fun and I’m so thankful. Not only that but we were given a money gift when we got home.. FREE MONEY. no joke!
We are taken care of, we are loved, provided for, thought of, and so much more, yet I still have my moment of panic. yes, those medical bills will get higher, but will God take care of us? yes. Will it feel like I want to throw up every time I see a bill? yes.
BUT, does God take care of us?
yes. always and forever.
(got the feels out)